Decadron Make Hulk Mad

Round 4 yesterday. Part of my Rx arsenal includes a steroid called decadron. Its intention is to prevent an allergic reaction to the chemo. I have to take 4 pills a day starting the day before chemo through the day after, 12 pills total for each round. Side effects for me= mood swings and sleeplessness. I find myself irritated at meaningless things and having to take ativan to try and counteract the Hulk-outs. My poor BFF who drives me to chemo confessed a few weeks after round 3 that she thought I might hit her and kindly asked me to take an ativan before the next treatment. A new side effect from the chemo in general is hot flashes. So now I'm a bald, pale sweaty, angry useless crank. On the plus side I only have 2 more treatments to go. At my checkup on Monday I complained about the sleeplessness so I was prescribed ambien. It works good at getting me to sleep, but wears off during the night.


So now my Rx drug list has climbed to:

Decadron (anti chemo allergy)
Zofran (anti nausea)
Compazine (anti nausea)
Ativan (anti anxiety/ anti nausea)
Ambien (sleeplessness)
Neulasta (prevention of WBC crashes)

Percoset (pain relief from Neulasta)

Norco (pain relief from Neulasta)

Magic Mouthwash (treatment of mucuscitis)
Famvir (as needed for shingles flare ups)

My own OTC regiments to help aid with side effects are:

Peroxide mouthwash (alternate with magic mouthwash for mucuscitis)
Glutamate powder (anti-neuropathy)
Vitamin B (anti-neuropathy)
Probiotics (partial relief from constipation & diarrhea)
Stool softeners
Loratadine (antihistamine for Neulasta pain)
Zantac (antacid)
Advil (pain relief from headaches and Neulasta)
Immodium (anti diarrhea)

I'm feeling ok today. Tonight I'll get my Neulasta shot and the bone pain usually kicks in about 24 hours later. It hurts so bad I can barely move and can't bear to be touched or even shower. My face hurts! As soon as that lets up around Saturday afternoon, the headaches and diarrhea kick in along with mucoscitis. My Mom is so great and takes Olivia for the weekend so I can have quality time with Judge Judy and my toilet. *Side effects compliments of Cytoxan & Taxotere

I really hope to feel a little better by Monday so I can take my little cheeseburger trick-or-treating. In the theme of mood swings, I thought it would be appropriate to post this video of my 21 month old torn between laughing and crying. The terrible twos are showing themselves more and more.

Threads

Portishead was packed last night. Sold out show! We got a nasty parking ticket on UC Berkeley's campus, but it was worth it :)

I have treatment #4 in two days, so it was a nice treat. This song was amazing live:

The Scar Project

Just a quick plug for a great place to make peace with your scars and know you are not alone. (warning: it will make you cry)

The Scar Project on FB

The Scar Project.org

I came across these today while checking out a website for young breast cancer survivors. I joined their online community and I like the information they offer on their site. Unlike so many others they actually have information on clinical trials, research information and posts from real doctors.

The Young Survivor Coalition

I plan to post my battle scars when I made it through this. I'm not quite strong enough to keep looking at them, much less share them just yet.....

Wiggin Out

Today my 8 beautiful nieces were all in attendance for the annual American Cancer Society's Making Strides Against Breast Cancer event. They named our Team, "Peggy Sue's Pink Ladies." We raised "$1,300 which gave us Blue Ribbon status ;) It was very touching to see how many people support my road to recovery. Very encouraging! I also ran into my clinical trial nurse which was a lovely surprise. She was very proud of me too. The weather was perfect and the entire team went to breakfast afterwards. They had to give us our own room at Denny's!

I got a chance to sport my bright pink wig. Wearing wigs can definitely help mask insecurity, but during a fundraising walk it can make you very hot sweaty and itchy! At one point I had to take it off for a little airing out. I really didn't want to because even though there were a lot of survivors there, I didn't spot anyone in treatment. If the wig wasn't turning heads, the baldness definitely would! One of the walkers on our team innocently asked me if all my hair, had fallen out and it made me realize that I haven't posted about hair loss here yet. After blushing and doing a real LOL, I admitted, yes, the majority of my hair is gone. Because of the neuropathy I decided to shave my head because the roots of my hair hurt too much to ignore. Dramatic chunks did fall out, but my hair still grows a little during the week before treatment. So, while not all of my hair would have fallen out, it would have been very thined out and scary looking. My eyebrows are still in tact, but they're pretty sparse and only my bottom lashes have been coming out so far. But then again, I'm only halfway through this, so who knows how bald I will be when it's over. When it grows back in I have vowed to stop dying it and be natural. It's been color treated for over 15 years, so I can't wait to find out what color it really is!

50/50

As of 10/04/2011 I am officially 50% done with chemo. Everyone sees this as a positive thing. I see it as I have to go through three more rounds of hell on earth. I try to stay positive and remind myself that I am not dying, I am not fighting cancer and I can move on after this. I'm lucky! So many people have to endure way more chemo and their cancer is inoperable. Thinking about that makes me cry, so I need to come up with a new way to think positive...

My friends took me to see 50/50 with Seth Rogan. It was really good and I managed to hold back my tears until he went in for surgery. Surgery was very scary for me too, so I related a lot to his anxiety and it brought me back there for a moment. My friends cried too and it reminded me again that I am making every one around me endure this and I just wish it would be over. As much as I love attention, I can't help but feel like a constant burden.

Olivia is 21 months old as of 10/10/11. She loves me even though I look like a fat vampire from 30 Days of Night. My husband seems to love me too, everyone does. I wish I could too, but it's hard. I've gained weight, have no hair, no complexion, constant mouth sores and I'm covered in scars with a port sticking out of my chest. I miss me.

I'd like to end on a positive note since I'm such a Debbie Downer. My beautiful nieces from my husband's side of the family all got together and created a team for the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk here in Sacramento. They called themselves Peggy Sue's Pink Ladies. As of today the team has $850. Very awesome! We walk this Sunday 10/16/2011.

I'm still getting out and being social. I have a wig and I'm decent with a makeup brush. Olivia was in a wedding right before my third treatment. Between her and the gorgeous bride everyone's heart was melted all day.

Next treatment is 10/25, but right before that I get to see Portishead in Berkeley- woohoo!