You're so vein, you probably think this post is about you.

I think I mentioned previously that the first IV didn't work and I thought the nurse hit a nerve. Well, now it looks like some chemo probably escaped under my skin. My arm is turning red near the injection site and the pain goes all through my thumb. It actually hurts to make this entry. Please feel bad for me?

(Update: This turned out to be a bad case of shingles. The entire red area above blistered and oozed out of control while I was in the hospital. I had to keep ice on it constantly and take percoset for the pain. Here is a pic of what it mutated into while I was in the hospital:

After the blisters oozed and then scabbed the rash was pretty much gone, but the area is still numb to the touch and discolored. I hope I never get this ever again. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. The ordeal lasted about 2 and a half weeks.

The Big "C"

Nope, not cancer, and not chemo, but: constipation! Oh lord have mercy on my intestines. Day 4 after treatment and I am balled up in pain. I was told to keep up the stool softeners, but I didn't understand the seriousness of it. The nurse explained that even if you use stool softeners, the zofran stops digestion, so nothing will move without constant laxatives. I hate cramping so I avoided them and now I am feeling the pain. The stomach ache accentuates my headache and nausea and overall makes me miserable.

I've learned a valuable lesson as I now write this entry with a little cup of c, (coffee).

Chemo: Round 1

So, one day prior to chemo I am instructed to pick up meds and start taking one of them right away. I visit the pharmacy and I get a goody bag of:
Decadron
Ativan
Zofran
and Compazine

The decadron is an anti-allergy pill which amongst other anti-things gives me a migrane, cotton mouth and makes me feel cracked out. I chugged plenty of water to try and get rid of the taste of fur, but still couldn't get any good rest that day or night.

Now it is August 22nd, the big-day. I've left family drama out of the entries so far, but while I love and desperately need my family, they're emotions and inability to handle added stress made them ineligible candidates to accompany me to my infusion. I decided instead to elect my best friend who knows all I need is some good conversation and to laugh it off as much as possible. I know she prays and cries for me in private in addition to her own personal financial and emotional struggles that life throws at everyone, but to my face she simply shows strength and that's what I needed most of all.

Immediately the nurse frowns at my veins and goes for one near my wrist towards the top of my hand. Again, I whined about the placement being uncomfortable, but I didn't want to endure moving it. Well, the time comes for me to pee and when she moves my arm my wrist swells up and my head is thrown back in pain. She had no choice but to remove it so I could pee but the pain continued. She found another vein closer to the middle of my arm. The rest of the treatment goes smoothly, but I'm warned that my veins will only become more difficult to use and I should seriously consider having a port installed. So now I have a new decision to make and I haven't yet.

Decadron was only for the day before, day of and day after chemo. I also took the zofran for Monday and Tuesday and this morning I had to take a compazine because I felt myself belching which is a tell-tale sign of nausea. The Ativan helps me sleep but I'm still very dizzy, constipated, crampy and grumpy. Over-all it seems tolerable, but I can't say for sure if I'll be going back to work or not....

Clinical Trial

So after my post-op appointment I am cleared for take off to Oncology. I decided to go with my Mom's oncologist since she raved about her and it felt comforting to go to someone known rather than meet another new stranger. She is very sweet and patient and answers all of my questions.

She didn't hesitate to tell us that I qualified for a clinical trial. As a triple negative high risk sub-type, they are still researching alternative treatment options. I read about "beta blockers," but I found out that project fizzled without dramatic results. The trial in question for me included 3 groups, with the last experimental drug group including Avastin. I knew nothing about it, so I of course went home and googled. Avastin is a newer highly controversial drug that while helpful in treating brain and colon cancers, it hasn't proven good results in metastatic breast cancer. The FDA has actually started moving to take the drug off the market for breast cancer. When I confronted the clinical trial nurses about this, she asked if I had read anything about the benefits. Only then did it occur to me that I was so focused on the negative, I bypassed any notion of a good reason to consider the drug. It turns out that while Avastin may not be beneficial to patients with advanced breast cancer, the early stage groups have been showing a lower rate of recurrence. Avastin can potentially keep cancer from coming back when it's been surgically removed. Apparantly the name of the game with triple negative is to keep it from coming back sooner than later. If I can reach the 4 year mark, I could hypothetically be home free. This changed my outlook completely, and I signed right up. I was also comforted to know the side effects would be low if any, so that made me feel better too.

I did my labs and submitted my consent and two weeks later ended up in group two. I was dissapointed at first, but I was also relieved to only have to endure 2 drugs rather than 3. Group 1 included Taxotere, Cytoxin and Adriamycin for 18 weeks. Group 3 included those two plus Avastin for an entire year. Group 2 is simply Cytoxin and Taxotere for 18 weeks. Since my cancer was only stage 1 with no spreading, my Dr. agrees this regimine followed by radiation should be enough to do the trick.