Today's blog is brought to you by the letters B, A and the number 20.

I've decided to finish school and finally get my B.A. (Bachelor of Business Administration). I signed up with National University, a school of mainly online classes similar to the University of Phoenix. I've completed one class so far and earned a B-. I was pretty disappointed in myself at first, but considering only one person in the entire class was able to earn an A, based on the curve, I feel like I did pretty well. It was a tough class and many of the exam questions were subjective which I didn't feel was fair, but that's college for ya. Budgeting time between a full time job, a toddler and school isn't easy, but I was recently motivated to make a change and enhance my career.....

Returning to work after treatment was great. Everyone embraced me, and took me to lunch and gave me a card and let me ease back into my tasks. I felt so blessed to have such a great job to come back to, and lucky that I didn't end up demoted or displaced. I hadn't been working for more than 3 months before I was diagnosed so my job wasn't protected by FMLA if I decided to take leave. But they held my position and used some temp staff until I was able to return. When I went on leave I was still in training mode. When I came back I made the same bone-headed mistakes I was making before I left. I realize this makes more work for others and answering questions constantly is not something a busy person always has time for. I'd like to blame some of it on recovery mode (ever hear of chemo-brain? it doesn't disappear after treatment) but I definitely take some responsibility for not studying my notes or the procedures thoroughly. The seasoned staff at my job no longer seem patient and understanding to say the least. I understand that the busy season is stressful, but I seem to have turned into a punching bag somehow. People really do mistake kindness for weakness. To sum up I ended up having to tell my boss I'd speak to HR if the hostile work environment didn't change. I really really hate that it had to come to that, but I had no choice. I'm purposely being vague, but the point is if I want a better situation, I have to make that happen myself. So my new plan is to complete my degree and then look for a better job. I know that there will always be conflict resolution in any team environment, but on the flip side of that same coin, if you can't get along with your co-workers then you can never truly be productive. Someone posted on FB recently that Staples should sell battle axes, lol. I am an extremely outgoing and positive person and having to work with an extremely negative and introverted team is too much of a challenge that I am not willing to take on without appropriate compensation! Also from experience, working with a real office bully is also not the norm. I've been part of a team and/or led work teams plenty of times and never had to manage this much drama. A quote by Ian MacLaren; "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." I believe I epitomize those words on a daily basis, but I expect minimum decency in return. Granted I probably should have stood up for myself a little more, but that wouldn't have changed any one's bad attitude. So I am spit-shining my resume and have been putting my wandering eye on careerbuilder.com. Life is too short for 40 hours a week of Mean Girls.

On a lighter note (pun intended) I have lost close to 20 pounds since I started working out and eating better. I'm officially a size 6 again! Fitting into my pre-cancer pants and dresses is a spectacular mood lifter. I wish I had a little more hair, but I get plenty of compliments on the edgy short look and so far I am still embracing my gray. Exercise helps relieve a lot of stress from work and school too. So with that thought, I will end this entry and get off my butt!

Wild, Wild Life

Happy Mother's Day! It's been a while since I've posted because I've been busy enjoying life! I'm not wearing fur pajamas or riding a hot potato, but I do feel like I've been spending all of my money and time.

Olivia made Easter a beautiful memory for me. She was so excited each and every time she found an egg. She played with her cousins and talked to Grandma's bird for what seemed like hours. My mom got her shiny black shoes to complete her outfit too:

I turned 33 on the 3rd. It was a wonderful birthday and weekend. My friends made me dinner and spent Thursday night with me, and then my Mom treated me to a trip to Chicago to visit my brother for the weekend. It was non-stop and was over in the blink of an eye. I loved the shopping and all the healthy eating. My favorite restaurant was Native Foods Cafe. I had the quinoa bowl and finished it off with an amazing rose cardamom cupcake. So much great food, so little time. We shopped at Top Shop and then saw The Avengers in 3D. It was Mom's first 3D movie, so that made it even more fun to watch her flinch! We also ate at the renown Heaven on Seven. My Mom insisted they would have a spectacular Ramos Fizz because they boasted a Louisiana based menu, but the bartender didn't even know how to make one, so that idea "fizzed," out a little. But they did have some crazy hot sauce! I tried to smuggle some onto the plane for my husband, but it was 5 oz and broke the sacred 3-1-1 commandment for carry-ons.

So now, back at home my summer dance card is filling up. I have been to two baby showers in the last two weeks and I have 3 kiddie parties, a wedding and a grad party to attend all within the coming month. I'm excited to be able to enjoy life again and make happy memories to outshine the last year. Over the weekend, someone told me that they, "Didn't believe in mammograms, and just tried to live healthy and deal with the consequences if they come." I tried to sound understanding because it's not my place to judge other people's beliefs, but personally I couldn't help but feel it was selfish to be oblivious to the future of your health. If I hadn't been brave enough to move forward with my mammogram and let my aggressive cancer have it's way with me, where would I be in 10 years? That was a scary thought that I choked down like a lump in my throat while I politely said nothing. This person knew what I had gone through, so my insight would make no impression. It's definitely one way to not care about your own fate, but what about your children and grandchildren? I would never ever want my husband and daughter to watch me suffer and die in the late stages of cancer. So I will endure the awful squishes, x-rays and biopsies as they are needed to protect the future of our happy memories together. If my Mother had chosen not to go through with her mastectomy and treatment for breast cancer, we may never have been able to create this memory:

Today I made one of the shiniest memories I'll hold onto forever. I treated myself to a pedicure and when I came home, Olivia was infatuated with my toenails. I asked if she wanted hers painted and she got so excited. We painted her piggies with orange polish (a quick-dry kind) and she sat perfectly still and helped me blow them dry. 

Now onto the interwebs to find some non-toxic polish remover!

Knees Up Mother Brown

I enjoy working out so much that I increased my intensity even though my knees were hurting. Well, that turned out to be a bad idea. I now have something called PFS: Patello-femoral Syndrome. My knees hurt so bad I actually had to start limping, so I decided it was time to get to the Dr. This is really cramping my style and slowing me down. I can't even go down the stairs without cringing. I tried to treat it myself with glucosamine, MSM supplements and omegas etc just like the good google said. None of it helped one bit and now I have to take RX strength Naproxen which makes me dizzy and messes up my stomach. The whole point of this health kick was to become healthy and less dependent on pills. Between my allergies and my knee pain I'm back up to a handful of tablets every day, again and go to Physical Therapy? Cheese and Rice!

So while my body tries to catch up with my ambition, I have taken down my cardio and kept up my food log to keep my portions in check. It's too easy to lose focus on the diet when exercise is not part of the daily routine. I do feel discouraged though. I'm back up to a 40 hour work week, toddler in terrible 2's with 2 year molars coming in, I'm surrounded by unfolded laundry, and then there's the cooking and cleaning full time since my husband's job had picked up and he's been working the late shift almost every day. Life is stressful enough and now I can't move around without pain and all I want to do is get a 20 minute run in for the day. I'm trying to be positive and stay the course, but it's very tempting to give up and go back to the pizza and ice cream. It's so much more time efficient than grocery shopping, hand washing/slicing organic kale and grilling chicken.... now my sink is full of organic dishes UGH!!!

Hopefully the pain will subside soon and I can work my way back up to speed walking and jogging again. I really enjoyed the feeling of accomplishment from running. It's a much better feeling than emptying the dishwasher or sorting socks.

On a positive note I had a follow-up MRI last week with a postcard reply which read "nothing new, come back in 6 months." So that is a no-news-is-good-news result for me :) If you're wondering what an MRI is like, just imagine a Faint song is about to start and you have to try to remain perfectly still....but the song never starts it just continues to sound like it might at any moment. That goes on for about 45 minutes or so.

Here is a picture of someone who's energy never seems to run low. We had a beautiful Easter Sunday together. One of the best days I've had since before my diagnosis. Makes me feel officially back to life!

I Hate Myself for Loving You

There is a 60 minutes segment causing a ruckus online today. Is Sugar Toxic? This video/article goes into detail about how glucose and HFCS (High Fructose Corn Syrup) is 75% of the cause of the leading illnesses in our nation today. Why is this significant to me? Because supposedly its common knowledge that cancer tumors feed on sugar. I am in the market to lower my risk of recurrence and this is one of the major factors in that goal. Read: High Sugar Levels Can Lead to Relapse.

I can feel your eyes rolling. "Everything will kill you these days," you moan. "Live for today, you could die tomorrow!" Well, that may be true, but getting hit by a bus may be a lot more inviting than slowly dying of cancer or living through chemo treatments to stop the cancer from spreading and going under the knife more than you would prefer. Go ahead and read the refuted study commentary and judge for yourself. Common sense says: "Everything in moderation," but consider this: I have been working out for over a month and have yet to lose more than 5 pounds. "But Peggy, *heavy sigh,* you are surely gaining muscle and weight loss takes time, duh." Yeah, I'll agree with that, but then my trainer switched me from a high sugar/high carb diet onto a high protein high fiber diet, I lost an entire pound in 2 days. I even cheated on the first day with a giant piece of pizza and beer. She also raised my calorie limit to 1500 vs the traditional diet calorie count of 1200 which I always stayed below in hopes of meeting my goals faster. There is no denying that I was only working out  every single day to feed my ongoing sugar addiction since I finally saw results as soon as I changed my intake habits. Cutting calories simply wasn't cutting it for me. I was starving and dizzy from cutting too many calories and fat grams.

So as tedious and sometimes tasteless as it can be, I have been packing lunches of salads with kale, portioning nuts and greek yogurt for snacks, munching on hummus and eating lean chicken and fish for dinner. Super time-consuming, but I know I will detox soon and my cravings will eventually fade. I still eat carbs, I'm not extreme, but my sugar intake is super low, my carbs are from the right places (brown rice and fruit etc) and I know long term it will make me better inside and out :) I'm trying desperately to pass my habits onto my family. My husband is resisting and has been sneaking ice cream sandwiches into his belly, but at least he has the decency not to gobble them down in front of me. My daughter is making excellent progress:

 Thats right, folks; those are Green Beans... And a moose.

I have been struggling with a little knee and ankle pain from jogging, but I power through and use my elliptical instead. My devoted pal has asked me to do the Komen Run with her, but she has been working out for a lot longer than me and every time we exercise together she leaves me in the dust. I am really proud of her though, and definitely hope to make the next one.

Bald Barbie!

Very cool news:
http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/03302012mattel-will-make-but-not-sell-bald-barbie/

Working out is really working out for me!

I have about 5 personal training sessions under my belt and I have been trying to do cardio on my own in between when I can. I haven't lost any weight to speak of, but I can definitely feel my shape coming back and my clothes fitting better. Working out is hard work, but it feels so good when I'm done. I've also been working healthier foods into my diet like hummus, kale and trying to eat more fruits and vegetables in general while steering clear of cookies and empty carbs. Skinny lattes are not very tasty, but they get the job done. My trainer recommended that I also start logging my food to help reach my goals. At first it terrified me to take a hard look at my diet, but as I exercised more it naturally became easier to eat better since I don't want to ruin my workouts with crappy meal choices. Here is my log: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/jeepgrrlz

I go back to work full time on Monday so keeping up with workouts, motherhood and chores will definitely be a challenge, but I have to try because I feel great and it's so worth it. I sleep better, have more energy, better mood and even my skin looks better. I love it!

My trainer made her fundraising goal for St. Baldricks and as promised she shaved her head for the cause!

Oops

After bowling and personal training I started to feel an exaggerated pain in the upper ribs on my surgery side. Googling it made me scared that I had broken or bruised a rib so I went in and got an x-ray. Turns out I am now experiencing costochondritis. It's not awful, but it's not fun. My primary care Dr. says it should go away on its own, but if the radiation weakened the area, I have a feeling it will linger a little longer than normal. So, for now I'll have to modify the workout and take it easy so I don't make it any worse. I was so excited about getting back to bowling too. Grrrr.