Albie Aware

Long time, no post. I have been due for my annual MRI and Mammogram since August 2013. Since I started a new job which doesn't offer Kaiser, I had to change to a high-deductible plan- meaning all Dr. visits and procedures are paid for out of pocket until the $3,100 dollar is reached. Since I don't have $3,100 sitting around for a rainy day, I decided I would try and save up in an HSA until I could afford it.

I finally let my new Onco know what the hold up was, and her team gave me the info for Albie Aware, a non-profit organization created specifically for screening women who are underinsured or have no insurance. I thought it was too good to be true, but sure enough they asked me some basic questions and I received a free of charge MRI from Capitol Imaging. As soon as I am finished with school, I plan on becoming very involved with these people and spreading their cause- this is the real kind of pink ribbon organization we should be walking, running and selling cookies for- without them, I would still be sitting around wondering if my boobs were ticking time bombs.

Unfortunately, MRI's are so great that they suck. They found "a 5 mm enhancing nodule in the central portion of the left breast" (my "good" boob). Since this has been pretty itchy for a while, my Dr. wanted a biopsy. Well, Albie paid for the scanning, but I had no choice but agree to the biopsy through Sutter- so I'll be waiting for the bill from that one. I had it done yesterday and it was just as fun as the stereo biopsy I had last time. They put me in and out of an MRI machine and used what sounded like a power drill for quite a while on my poor innocent boob. They even found a second suspicious spot so I guess I got a BOGO biopsy.

So after many nights of tossing and turning since the original scan- I'm happy to report I have a meaningless case of Interlobular Fibrosis AKA chronic inflammation. Another milestone achieved towards my 5 year goal of no detection.

In other news: I'll be done with school at the end of May, and my brother is getting married sometime after that! My little one just turned 4 which means Kindergarten research is starting soon. Big and happy moments to remind us what life is all about, and what we fight for.

If you have the means or know anyone looking for a cause to support, please think of Albie Aware, I am forever grateful for their charity.

RIP Ms. Krabappel :(

Marcia Wallace dies at 70

More developments on a vaccine!

This is good news. Not sure why Kim K's butt gets more press than this, especially in October.....

clevelandclinic.org/pinkvaccine

(http://my.clevelandclinic.org/giving/where-to-give/tuohy_vaccine.aspx)

Senate Health Committee - Jun 26th, 2013

Senate Health Committee - Jun 26th, 2013

About 20 minutes in a breast cancer survivor provides testimony of her support for affordable health care coverage. And then my friend Liz, also makes her compelling remarks.

http://thelizarmy.com/

2 Years

A young woman went online to research her disease and discovered my blog a few months after I started it. She friended me online and we shared our experiences with breast cancer. She was working, married and 29 at the time with a 2 year old, so we had a lot in common. She finished treatment and made blog posts of her own regarding her struggles with self-image, energy, returning to work and of course the anxiety of recurrence. 

A year went by and I noticed I hadn't seen her FB posts, and discovered I must have made her edit list for some reason. After visiting her blog, I learned that her cancer had returned and decided to settle in her brain. Obviously we didn't have so much in common anymore. Her “whole” brain radiation caused seizures and blinding pain and her family was hurting. It was hard to read those posts. I just checked in on it again today and learned she passed away in April.

Her story is a painful reminder of why I went through what I did. Research today suggests that breast cancer may be over-treated, and those opinions scare me. If I hadn’t performed a self-exam 2 years ago, or decided to wait and see, I don’t want to think of what my prognosis might be. When my oncologist gave me my statistics during our first consultation, I read her print-out that treatment only improved my odds of survival from cancer by something like 7% based on my age, sub-type and other statistics. I remember thinking what most people would: why would anyone endure additional pain and suffering from chemo and radiation for an extra 7%? 2 years later, I can see now that is 7% more people who got to stick around longer to be alive, be happy, accomplish goals, create memories, love more, and do more. People have conflicting opinions of Angelina Jolie, but I understand her decision to do everything she could to reduce her risk. Everyone should have access to genetic testing as well as the access to preventative treatment. It should not be a privilege to be alive and healthy just because you can afford it. But that’s for another blog… 

So as of June 8^th I am 2 years NED (no evidence of disease). But that does not mean cured, it only means I’m being watched, and so far… so good. My mom also celebrates another 10 years so far, and so far… so good. But it will always be a threat, and something to take seriously. So while I complain about my job, my bills, potty training, politics or the weather, it’s always a nice reminder that at least I get to be around to complain about life. 

Rest in peace Elisha.

Love Songs

Life update:

2 years ago, my results were in from my biopsy and I was officially in the IDC (invasive ductal carcinoma) club. But now I'm past that. I have an exciting new job as a contract analyst with a growing company and a 7 minute commute. My husband also started a great career as an account man in November and has weekends off! I have a year left of school, and I'll be done on my 35th birthday if I stick with it . I can also pull off a pretty sad excuse for a pony tail. As long as I get to be with Olivia, I really can't ask for more. I heard this song today and I realized that when I was a teenager, I related sappy songs and movies to my latest crush. Now all I do is think of my daughter and how much I love and miss her when we're apart. Unlike highschool, I'll love her like this forever. I am very blessed to be able to think about the future, and be with her when she has her first love, her first job, her first anything.

Amazing friends, a home, a family and halfway to my career goals. I'm happy, and my heart is full :) Very happy to have gotten this far!! Thank you for your support, love and encouragement.

Decoding Annie Parker

Coming soon is a movie based on the true story of a family's struggle with breast cancer and the discovery of the BCRA mutation. I did not test positive for the gene, but since my Mother did have pre-menopausal breast cancer, the Doctors still suspect a genetic link. There are thousands of genes yet to be discovered as a link to hereditary cancer. I hope Olivia never has to think about it.

http://decodingannieparker.com/

Your Evening Cry

Repost from Jezebel. Jill is beautiful.

Say What?

I have a 30 minute commute to work every morning, and since I ran out of money to pay for XM radio, I've decided to start listening to NPR. In the last week they have broadcasted two separate stories claiming that early stage breast cancers should probably not be treated as radically as they have been lately. They claim overdiagnosis is causing too many women to undergo unnecessary surgery, chemotherapy and radiation, which would not change their survival or recurrence rates. They elude to a conspiracy of the healthcare industry making money off of naive patients.  The first UCSF article even claimed that some early stage cancers probably would have resolved themselves over time (Alvarado, Ozanne, and Esserman,  e41). At first listen I felt my face flush wondering if I had made the right choice.... did I go through suffering and misery and mutilate myself for no reason other than simply listening the good advice of Kaiser Permanente? I decided to google further and was once again assured that I did make the right choice.  Recurrence is real. Breast cancer, if left untreated can decide to migrate into other vital organs and ultimately cause death.  Upon reading these articles, I do see a valid point, that late stage cancers seem unaffected by breakthroughs in early detection, but that shouldn't have a weigh in on how early stage cancer is routinely treated. Patients should still be entitled to options. 10% this and 2% that doesn't say where Peggy Sue will end up in 10 years.
Today's NPR article quoted co-author of the new study, Monica Morrow as saying "I have seen young women who leave the office having signed up for lumpectomy," Morrow says, "and they call back the next day and say, 'Well, I was on the Internet or I was talking to my friends and they said I'm a young mother, don't I want to do everything I can to be there for my child? I think I want a double mastectomy.(Knox, 2012)" What sticks out to me in this quote was the reference to young women. Where are the factors indicating that young women who opt out of mastectomy have no recurrence? I can list 3 women in my circle of contacts who have opted for lumpectomy and have still had a recurrence. It seems way too early to make that call and point the drastic finger to "young women." Young women are the ones who can catch cancer early and stop it before it spreads. A study telling women to opt out of mastectomy and/or radiation unfortunately sends a message that they probably shouldn't worry about cancer too much at all. Even though they are two completely different statements, they are read between the lines the same way to someone who has not had to experience a biopsy or be read a path report. If I had never had cancer I would have come across these two studies and probably thought..... hey cool, even if the lump is small, these media releases tell me it's probably no big deal, right? WRONG. Early detection is key and making a treatment decision is up to the patient, the doctor, the family AND a second opinion! EVERY case is different and should never be classified for treatment based on early stage or tumor size etc.

OK, rant over.

http://www.asco.org/ASCOv2/Home/Education%20&%20Training/Educational%20Book/PDF%20Files/2012/zds00112000e40.PDF

http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012/11/28/166064484/more-women-choose-double-mastectomy-but-study-says-many-dont-need-it

Dystrophic Calcifications

Dystrophic Calcifications OR (as I heard it in my head) Catastrophic Complications

I was hoping to post great news for my "Cancerversary," this month that my MRI and Mammogram came back clean. Alas this news was delayed as they took a gazillion pictures of me by smashing my boobs and making them glow blue and still didn't like what they saw: tiny little scattered unknown tissues slightly near but separate from my old tumor site. It wasn't a normal shape and it was in a weird spot, blah blah blah.

They naturally want to biopsy it. My first response? "No thanks, can I go now?" After much convincing I agreed to let them have another piece of me for piece of mind. The alternative is a mammogram every 6 months or do nothing and take the cancer spreading gamble. Really? After all that cutting, poisoning and burning it could come back in less than 6 months? Apparently sometimes, yes.

Ahhh, technology, so advanced yet, not? I was able to try a new ride in radiology this time: the Stereo Biopsy. It's a mammogram and needle core biopsy in one! Oh joy. I lied on my belly while a robot (yes a robot) used something like this on my already mutilated boob.

I dare you to google it. They even had an animated version of what was happening on screen for me to watch. A drill -like, hollow needle whirled in and out about 20 times to make its way through and take what it came for. I was not a fearless and brave woman. Even though I was numbed up, I boo-hood the whole entire time, but they were all very patient with me. All the tissues I could ask for. No stiff drinks though.

So, back on the ice pack and Tylenol regimen. After a little Chinese food and TV, I was back to work the next day. But the good news is that it was benign!

I was convinced that what happened was my fault for not diligently massaging my scar tissue, but the Dr. assured me that it is very common after surgery and radiation to have calcium deposits and it had nothing to do with anything I did or didn't do.

So, one year later, I am proud to say I am officially part of the NED club :) Happy Cancerversary to me!

Also, my husband turned 40! I had a Bender cake made for him and we had the party at his favorite spot, The Streets of London Pub :) Here are some pics:
 

Today's blog is brought to you by the letters B, A and the number 20.

I've decided to finish school and finally get my B.A. (Bachelor of Business Administration). I signed up with National University, a school of mainly online classes similar to the University of Phoenix. I've completed one class so far and earned a B-. I was pretty disappointed in myself at first, but considering only one person in the entire class was able to earn an A, based on the curve, I feel like I did pretty well. It was a tough class and many of the exam questions were subjective which I didn't feel was fair, but that's college for ya. Budgeting time between a full time job, a toddler and school isn't easy, but I was recently motivated to make a change and enhance my career.....

Returning to work after treatment was great. Everyone embraced me, and took me to lunch and gave me a card and let me ease back into my tasks. I felt so blessed to have such a great job to come back to, and lucky that I didn't end up demoted or displaced. I hadn't been working for more than 3 months before I was diagnosed so my job wasn't protected by FMLA if I decided to take leave. But they held my position and used some temp staff until I was able to return. When I went on leave I was still in training mode. When I came back I made the same bone-headed mistakes I was making before I left. I realize this makes more work for others and answering questions constantly is not something a busy person always has time for. I'd like to blame some of it on recovery mode (ever hear of chemo-brain? it doesn't disappear after treatment) but I definitely take some responsibility for not studying my notes or the procedures thoroughly. The seasoned staff at my job no longer seem patient and understanding to say the least. I understand that the busy season is stressful, but I seem to have turned into a punching bag somehow. People really do mistake kindness for weakness. To sum up I ended up having to tell my boss I'd speak to HR if the hostile work environment didn't change. I really really hate that it had to come to that, but I had no choice. I'm purposely being vague, but the point is if I want a better situation, I have to make that happen myself. So my new plan is to complete my degree and then look for a better job. I know that there will always be conflict resolution in any team environment, but on the flip side of that same coin, if you can't get along with your co-workers then you can never truly be productive. Someone posted on FB recently that Staples should sell battle axes, lol. I am an extremely outgoing and positive person and having to work with an extremely negative and introverted team is too much of a challenge that I am not willing to take on without appropriate compensation! Also from experience, working with a real office bully is also not the norm. I've been part of a team and/or led work teams plenty of times and never had to manage this much drama. A quote by Ian MacLaren; "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." I believe I epitomize those words on a daily basis, but I expect minimum decency in return. Granted I probably should have stood up for myself a little more, but that wouldn't have changed any one's bad attitude. So I am spit-shining my resume and have been putting my wandering eye on careerbuilder.com. Life is too short for 40 hours a week of Mean Girls.

On a lighter note (pun intended) I have lost close to 20 pounds since I started working out and eating better. I'm officially a size 6 again! Fitting into my pre-cancer pants and dresses is a spectacular mood lifter. I wish I had a little more hair, but I get plenty of compliments on the edgy short look and so far I am still embracing my gray. Exercise helps relieve a lot of stress from work and school too. So with that thought, I will end this entry and get off my butt!

Wild, Wild Life

Happy Mother's Day! It's been a while since I've posted because I've been busy enjoying life! I'm not wearing fur pajamas or riding a hot potato, but I do feel like I've been spending all of my money and time.

Olivia made Easter a beautiful memory for me. She was so excited each and every time she found an egg. She played with her cousins and talked to Grandma's bird for what seemed like hours. My mom got her shiny black shoes to complete her outfit too:

I turned 33 on the 3rd. It was a wonderful birthday and weekend. My friends made me dinner and spent Thursday night with me, and then my Mom treated me to a trip to Chicago to visit my brother for the weekend. It was non-stop and was over in the blink of an eye. I loved the shopping and all the healthy eating. My favorite restaurant was Native Foods Cafe. I had the quinoa bowl and finished it off with an amazing rose cardamom cupcake. So much great food, so little time. We shopped at Top Shop and then saw The Avengers in 3D. It was Mom's first 3D movie, so that made it even more fun to watch her flinch! We also ate at the renown Heaven on Seven. My Mom insisted they would have a spectacular Ramos Fizz because they boasted a Louisiana based menu, but the bartender didn't even know how to make one, so that idea "fizzed," out a little. But they did have some crazy hot sauce! I tried to smuggle some onto the plane for my husband, but it was 5 oz and broke the sacred 3-1-1 commandment for carry-ons.

So now, back at home my summer dance card is filling up. I have been to two baby showers in the last two weeks and I have 3 kiddie parties, a wedding and a grad party to attend all within the coming month. I'm excited to be able to enjoy life again and make happy memories to outshine the last year. Over the weekend, someone told me that they, "Didn't believe in mammograms, and just tried to live healthy and deal with the consequences if they come." I tried to sound understanding because it's not my place to judge other people's beliefs, but personally I couldn't help but feel it was selfish to be oblivious to the future of your health. If I hadn't been brave enough to move forward with my mammogram and let my aggressive cancer have it's way with me, where would I be in 10 years? That was a scary thought that I choked down like a lump in my throat while I politely said nothing. This person knew what I had gone through, so my insight would make no impression. It's definitely one way to not care about your own fate, but what about your children and grandchildren? I would never ever want my husband and daughter to watch me suffer and die in the late stages of cancer. So I will endure the awful squishes, x-rays and biopsies as they are needed to protect the future of our happy memories together. If my Mother had chosen not to go through with her mastectomy and treatment for breast cancer, we may never have been able to create this memory:

Today I made one of the shiniest memories I'll hold onto forever. I treated myself to a pedicure and when I came home, Olivia was infatuated with my toenails. I asked if she wanted hers painted and she got so excited. We painted her piggies with orange polish (a quick-dry kind) and she sat perfectly still and helped me blow them dry. 

Now onto the interwebs to find some non-toxic polish remover!

Knees Up Mother Brown

I enjoy working out so much that I increased my intensity even though my knees were hurting. Well, that turned out to be a bad idea. I now have something called PFS: Patello-femoral Syndrome. My knees hurt so bad I actually had to start limping, so I decided it was time to get to the Dr. This is really cramping my style and slowing me down. I can't even go down the stairs without cringing. I tried to treat it myself with glucosamine, MSM supplements and omegas etc just like the good google said. None of it helped one bit and now I have to take RX strength Naproxen which makes me dizzy and messes up my stomach. The whole point of this health kick was to become healthy and less dependent on pills. Between my allergies and my knee pain I'm back up to a handful of tablets every day, again and go to Physical Therapy? Cheese and Rice!

So while my body tries to catch up with my ambition, I have taken down my cardio and kept up my food log to keep my portions in check. It's too easy to lose focus on the diet when exercise is not part of the daily routine. I do feel discouraged though. I'm back up to a 40 hour work week, toddler in terrible 2's with 2 year molars coming in, I'm surrounded by unfolded laundry, and then there's the cooking and cleaning full time since my husband's job had picked up and he's been working the late shift almost every day. Life is stressful enough and now I can't move around without pain and all I want to do is get a 20 minute run in for the day. I'm trying to be positive and stay the course, but it's very tempting to give up and go back to the pizza and ice cream. It's so much more time efficient than grocery shopping, hand washing/slicing organic kale and grilling chicken.... now my sink is full of organic dishes UGH!!!

Hopefully the pain will subside soon and I can work my way back up to speed walking and jogging again. I really enjoyed the feeling of accomplishment from running. It's a much better feeling than emptying the dishwasher or sorting socks.

On a positive note I had a follow-up MRI last week with a postcard reply which read "nothing new, come back in 6 months." So that is a no-news-is-good-news result for me :) If you're wondering what an MRI is like, just imagine a Faint song is about to start and you have to try to remain perfectly still....but the song never starts it just continues to sound like it might at any moment. That goes on for about 45 minutes or so.

Here is a picture of someone who's energy never seems to run low. We had a beautiful Easter Sunday together. One of the best days I've had since before my diagnosis. Makes me feel officially back to life!

I Hate Myself for Loving You

There is a 60 minutes segment causing a ruckus online today. Is Sugar Toxic? This video/article goes into detail about how glucose and HFCS (High Fructose Corn Syrup) is 75% of the cause of the leading illnesses in our nation today. Why is this significant to me? Because supposedly its common knowledge that cancer tumors feed on sugar. I am in the market to lower my risk of recurrence and this is one of the major factors in that goal. Read: High Sugar Levels Can Lead to Relapse.

I can feel your eyes rolling. "Everything will kill you these days," you moan. "Live for today, you could die tomorrow!" Well, that may be true, but getting hit by a bus may be a lot more inviting than slowly dying of cancer or living through chemo treatments to stop the cancer from spreading and going under the knife more than you would prefer. Go ahead and read the refuted study commentary and judge for yourself. Common sense says: "Everything in moderation," but consider this: I have been working out for over a month and have yet to lose more than 5 pounds. "But Peggy, *heavy sigh,* you are surely gaining muscle and weight loss takes time, duh." Yeah, I'll agree with that, but then my trainer switched me from a high sugar/high carb diet onto a high protein high fiber diet, I lost an entire pound in 2 days. I even cheated on the first day with a giant piece of pizza and beer. She also raised my calorie limit to 1500 vs the traditional diet calorie count of 1200 which I always stayed below in hopes of meeting my goals faster. There is no denying that I was only working out  every single day to feed my ongoing sugar addiction since I finally saw results as soon as I changed my intake habits. Cutting calories simply wasn't cutting it for me. I was starving and dizzy from cutting too many calories and fat grams.

So as tedious and sometimes tasteless as it can be, I have been packing lunches of salads with kale, portioning nuts and greek yogurt for snacks, munching on hummus and eating lean chicken and fish for dinner. Super time-consuming, but I know I will detox soon and my cravings will eventually fade. I still eat carbs, I'm not extreme, but my sugar intake is super low, my carbs are from the right places (brown rice and fruit etc) and I know long term it will make me better inside and out :) I'm trying desperately to pass my habits onto my family. My husband is resisting and has been sneaking ice cream sandwiches into his belly, but at least he has the decency not to gobble them down in front of me. My daughter is making excellent progress:

 Thats right, folks; those are Green Beans... And a moose.

I have been struggling with a little knee and ankle pain from jogging, but I power through and use my elliptical instead. My devoted pal has asked me to do the Komen Run with her, but she has been working out for a lot longer than me and every time we exercise together she leaves me in the dust. I am really proud of her though, and definitely hope to make the next one.

Bald Barbie!

Very cool news:
http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/03302012mattel-will-make-but-not-sell-bald-barbie/

Working out is really working out for me!

I have about 5 personal training sessions under my belt and I have been trying to do cardio on my own in between when I can. I haven't lost any weight to speak of, but I can definitely feel my shape coming back and my clothes fitting better. Working out is hard work, but it feels so good when I'm done. I've also been working healthier foods into my diet like hummus, kale and trying to eat more fruits and vegetables in general while steering clear of cookies and empty carbs. Skinny lattes are not very tasty, but they get the job done. My trainer recommended that I also start logging my food to help reach my goals. At first it terrified me to take a hard look at my diet, but as I exercised more it naturally became easier to eat better since I don't want to ruin my workouts with crappy meal choices. Here is my log: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/jeepgrrlz

I go back to work full time on Monday so keeping up with workouts, motherhood and chores will definitely be a challenge, but I have to try because I feel great and it's so worth it. I sleep better, have more energy, better mood and even my skin looks better. I love it!

My trainer made her fundraising goal for St. Baldricks and as promised she shaved her head for the cause!

Oops

After bowling and personal training I started to feel an exaggerated pain in the upper ribs on my surgery side. Googling it made me scared that I had broken or bruised a rib so I went in and got an x-ray. Turns out I am now experiencing costochondritis. It's not awful, but it's not fun. My primary care Dr. says it should go away on its own, but if the radiation weakened the area, I have a feeling it will linger a little longer than normal. So, for now I'll have to modify the workout and take it easy so I don't make it any worse. I was so excited about getting back to bowling too. Grrrr.

"Moving" Forward

I am feeling so much better. I am back to wearing a sport bra and I even went bowling over the weekend and broke 100 without getting sore. I have a strange "bruised," feeling on my rib, but other than that, I have regained full range of motion in my arm and have so much more energy. Since I'm not officially released back to work full time until the end of the month, I figured no time like the present to use this time and work on feeling even better and creating a workout routine. I have an elliptical machine upstairs but every time I thought about using it, I'd do laundry instead. I simply cannot motivate myself. So, I decided to go the route of hiring a personal trainer. Costly for sure, but I have a feeling it will be absolutely worth it. The gym is two blocks away, so I can ride my bike.... eventually :)

I met with Brittany for the first time today. Amazingly my niece is friends with her (small world), so she was highly recommended and I didn't even know it. Brittany is patient, attentive, knowledgeable and most importantly: motivating! She hates cheese except mozzarella just like me and the icing on the cake (I need to stop the cake) is that she is shaving her head in solidarity for the St. Baldricks Foundation, a charity researching cures for childhood cancers. Her mother is also a breast cancer survivor. I feel like it was meant to be.

We're going to meet twice a week to start and I know I'll already be sore tomorrow, but it will be a good sore for once. Not a post-surgery or post treatment sore that requires a Norco just to sleep.

End of the Line

Great news: I'm done with treatment!
Bad news: I'm done with treatment.

Yes, I am extremely relieved to be done with chemo and radiation. But it's a mixed blessing. Since I was diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Cancer, I don't have the option to continue any hormone control medication such as Tamoxifen. The cancer I had was hormone-negative so it wouldn't respond to the 5 year drug therapy that other breast cancers normally do. It's scary for me because recurrence rates are a little higher for pre-menopausal women, triple negative tumors like to repair and return more often than other types and I didn't have a mastectomy. All I can do now is to try to live a healthier lifestyle to decrease my chances of recurrence and perform regular self-exams and screenings so I can catch it earlier if it does decide to come back.

Today would have also been my Grandmother, Theresa Philie' 94th birthday. It's been 5 years since her passing, and I miss her every day. But I know she can see me and must be so proud of Olivia.Thanks for all the happy memories Nana, and Happy Birthday. We hope it's always springtime where you are.

Thanks so much to everyone for all your help and support during this really tough time in my life. I couldn't have made it through without you. As soon as I'm able to wear a bra again, I want to jump up and down to celebrate with you!

S#!% Cancer Patients Say

Dilaudid. A lodda dilaudid... or as needed....