End of the Line

Great news: I'm done with treatment!
Bad news: I'm done with treatment.

Yes, I am extremely relieved to be done with chemo and radiation. But it's a mixed blessing. Since I was diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Cancer, I don't have the option to continue any hormone control medication such as Tamoxifen. The cancer I had was hormone-negative so it wouldn't respond to the 5 year drug therapy that other breast cancers normally do. It's scary for me because recurrence rates are a little higher for pre-menopausal women, triple negative tumors like to repair and return more often than other types and I didn't have a mastectomy. All I can do now is to try to live a healthier lifestyle to decrease my chances of recurrence and perform regular self-exams and screenings so I can catch it earlier if it does decide to come back.

Today would have also been my Grandmother, Theresa Philie' 94th birthday. It's been 5 years since her passing, and I miss her every day. But I know she can see me and must be so proud of Olivia.Thanks for all the happy memories Nana, and Happy Birthday. We hope it's always springtime where you are.

Thanks so much to everyone for all your help and support during this really tough time in my life. I couldn't have made it through without you. As soon as I'm able to wear a bra again, I want to jump up and down to celebrate with you!

S#!% Cancer Patients Say

Dilaudid. A lodda dilaudid... or as needed....

Is it cold in here, or do I have a banana in my pants?

I had a very unconventional Valentine's Day. My husband (JP) worked late (as usual, but he did leave me roses this time) so my Mom brought over some chinese food and we goofed around with play-dough and gave my daughter a bubble bath. I've needed a little more help lately since I'm rounding the bend toward the end of my treatments and if I lift my arms too much or too high, the skin under my armpit pulls and sometimes tears a little: ouch! I'm really sore and tired too, and still swollen..... But I have just 3 treatments left!

The final 5 treatments are called "boosts," and they focus on my scars (sentinel node biopsy and lumpectomy scars). They super hurt afterwards, but I know radiation is so important for early stage survivors, and especially triple negative patients. I'm gritting my teeth and I'm pretty grumpy about it, but I still show up every morning.

My entire breast area is burned pretty bad, but the boost area and the armpit are the worst. I gave up trying to wear a bra and even a tank top irritates my skin because it rubs right on the area that hurts the most. Now I just wear JP's T-shirts and big giant sweaters to work. It's so much more comfortable, but it really makes me self-consious and paranoid that the room might get "too cold." In which case I'll just have to tell my boss, "No really, I'm just happy to see you!"
I'm using Thermazene Silver Sulfadiazine Cream now, and nothing really seems to be helping, but I glob it on all day anyway just in case.

Here is a picture of my armpit/breast area after graphing for the boost. I thought it looked like a doodle of a grumpy monster, which I kind of identify with it right now, so I wanted to post it and giggle at it later when I'm all done:

The big X is where my lymph nodes were biopsied and the black line and horizontal dots are where the stupid tumor was removed. The radiation is magnified and blasted in this area and the discoloration is where my skin has turned ash gray. The picture looks red because that's the color of my skin now. But those areas are done and now the rest of it focuses inside the grumpy face area.

Dirty Laundry

Over the weekend a new film debuted in Canada called Pink Ribbons Inc. It takes a very hard look at a long ongoing problem called Pinkwashing. It doesn't air in the states until spring, but I am very intrigued. I agree that there is way too much pinking going on (Buckets for the Cure... WTH?) But at the same time,  I still believe that fundraising for breast cancer research, education and advocacy is important. I think more funds need to go towards smaller organizations and less towards organizations that have clearly lost their way.

The pink ribbon is very controversial. Bigger non-profits have more money and therefore we want them to put it all towards the cure, but on a personal note, I used to work for a non-profit and never volunteered to stop accepting my paycheck. Organizations expand just like any other business, but that doesn't mean their responsibility, mission or vision should be altered by it. Money doesn't always equal power. My biggest problem with the Komen Controversy was that they funded Planned Parenthood without a problem but then decided to pull funding when they felt threatened by the pro-life community. They claim that they pulled funding because they don't support organizations under investigation, however they didn't pull funding from anyone else. The pro-life community commended the decision, but what they fail to see is that it would have never had any impact on the pro-choice side. It would not have prevented abortions, but instead added to the problem of more women having less resources to prenatal care and disease prevention. I could go on and on, but there is a big picture and it's more important than politics.

I still plan to participate in MSABC and support organizations like YSC because they do have important and unique programs and raise funds to research for a cure, but as a survivor and a consumer I will think twice before spending $3.00 more on a water bottle because it has a pink ribbon.

If you're interested in learning more about pinkwashing, and what you can do, please visit thinkbeforeyoupink.org If you feel conflicted about making a pink ribbon donation, then do something different in support of breast cancer. Bring some cookies to your local radiation office. Buy some scarves at the local thrift store and put them in the basket at your local infusion center. Or just simply do your monthly exams and smile when you can't find a lump!

This is a very courageous video from another survivor. I am not brave enough to share on camera like she did, but I'm proud to post her candid video statement on my little blog :)

Stand up to Cancer

Today is World Cancer Day. What will you do differently? I try to ask myself that every day. A little change can make a lot of difference. During treatment I can't load up on supplements since they would be counterproductive to the chemo and radiation killing off all growing/reproducing cells. However, as soon as I am done, I plan on eating more fresh fish, more greens and taking plenty of vitamin D, and Omega 3's. So far I am cooking a lot more at home and using the Magic Bullet I got for christmas every day!

I have also changed my shopping habits. I purchase more natural and organic items whenever I can. In case you are looking to do the same, here are some products I switched to and I am really pleased with so far:

Arm & Hammer Essentials Deodorant
Natural Bliss Liquid Creamer
Trader Joe's Nourish Spa Balancing Shampoo (on the few hairs I have!)
Aubrey Organics Sea Buckthorn Nourishing Bath Bar
Dr. Bronner's Magic Tea Tree Pure-Castille Soap
100% Pure Honey Almond Nourishing Body Cream
Method All Purpose Cleaner
Greenworks Cleaning Wipes I also like the bleach and toilet cleaner

For Olivia:
Dolphin Organics
Xlear Spry Toothpaste
Badger Chamomile Baby Sunscreen

I haven't made a complete transition with my all of my cosmetics quite yet, but I have learned a lot from the EWG's Skin Deep Database Scoring System. If you're concerned about any of the lotions, makeup or bath products you're currently using, I strongly suggest checking them through EWG. It's a real eye opener to what you slather on your body every day! Whenever I think about how many useless toxic chemicals are in a person's daily beauty regimen, I can't help but think of this clip:

I make sure to buy organic meats and foods and ingredients whenever possible. Especially when it concerns Olivia. We only consume organic milk and eggs and even pasta. Annie's Organics and Earth's Best have lots of nutritious, tasty organic kid foods.

I also know a very Crunchy Mom, who started her own blog sharing her knowledge of homemade recipes, remedies and green solutions for people wanting to live a little healthier and save money too! Check out Earthy Consumer and add it to your blog feed :)

National Cancer Prevention Month

Happy Groundhog Day! February is National Cancer Prevention Month. I just came across a brand new magazine called: Survivors, with the first issue sharing extraordinary art work focusing on breast cancer survivors. The project is called the Breast Cancer Awareness Body Painting Project. The artists took individual survivor's stories and used them to create body art images to empower their canvases and inspire others. I really like what I see so far, and I hope the magazine is a success. This issue also has survivor health tips and links to other great resources. I'd rather read this while in the waiting room instead of Vogue or Women's Daily.

13 more radiation treatments to go.

This made me laugh! Story of my life lately...



Relevant/Unrelated News: Lots of drama today surrounding the Susan G. Komen foundation's decision to pull funding from Planned Parenthood.